Oh dear. Can’t even remember when this was filmed. This is my dear friend Rani.
She has been known to turn to cause havoc during MasterClass fieldwork sessions by turning up in red heels. She also - every now and then - seduces other members of AI during Detentions
Below is a series of questions compiled to check the span of your attention as you’ve fondled your way through my emails week after week.
The person with the highest score wins cash. Hot, wet, stinky cash… or a ceramic duck I swiped from the party last week.
You have eight seconds to complete the exam. Go…
1. In what year did the monkey first appear?
2. Who wrote the best selling novel ‘give me the front legs of your chicken’ please’?
3. Name the river that flows through the sacred city of Yan Can Cook?
4. Name the third emperor or Sum Ting Wong?
5. Unjumble the letters to spell the word goat - q w e r t y k e y b o a r d.
6. Which side of my beard should i shave off first?
7. How much dinero have I spent on coffee in cafe Zebadua?
8. If a train leaves Parramatta at 7:35pm on a Saturday and arrives at the Bondi Junction station at 12:14am the Monday before, how many times did they play Robin Williams’ good morning vietnam back to back with the opening and closing credits overlapping? Now divide that number by two.
Multiple Choice Section:
9. How does LoGun find time to write so much shit?
a. He doesn’t don’t have a watch. And besides, shit can’t be written.
b. It’s not him writing. His body has been hijacked by an elf called Warren. Hello everybody, my name is Warren. A rabbit used to live in me.
c. It’s not shit he is writing at all, but an anti-establishmentarianistic commentary on the rapid demise of the social psyche in a world which
parodies itself through a media monopolised by jackasses who use rhetoric and fear as a means to manipulate the masses.
Singular Choice Section:
10. How many arms and legs does a pie have?
c. Four and twenty.
11. What is the wingspan of an eagle flying towards the sun?
12. What the fuck am I doing wasting my time at a computer on such a sunny day?
13. Finish the chorus of this song: shut up, just shut up, shut up, just ….. ..!
14. Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
15. Why’d you waste Cyrus?
16. How do you get from ‘a’ to ‘b’ without knowing where ‘b’ is? is ‘a’ where you left it?
17. Did you really just waste your time trying to answer these questions in eight seconds? There was a typo. i meant to say you have eight hours to complete the exam.
18. Name the members of the band ‘Sting’?
19. No really, who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
Good luck. The results of the person with the highest score will be published in next week’s edition of ‘bingo was his name oh’.